When you engage in de-escalation with an individual in crisis, you should seek to find harmony, not balance.
Harmony = connection and ease of use
Harmony = engagement with purpose
Harmony = rapport without measurement
Balance = finding equality between weights and measure
Balance = attempting to ensure there is equal accountability and responsibility
Balance = a constant give and take of intelligent conversation
All of the things that balance is and represents are great when dealing with a person not in crisis. When dealing with a person who is not mentally unstable, or mentally ill. When dealing with a person that can hold calm and reasonable conversation.
Harmony is all the ways you can try to align yourself with something or someone, even when it is unbalanced.
Even when it is uncomfortable.
Millions of dollars are spent trying to teach people how to find balance in both their lives, thoughts and feelings.
We have all chased “balance” when in effect, what we needed was to locate harmony, and discover where and how we needed to grow or change in order to pull the sides of our lives and experiences together in a meaningful and effective way.
The path to find harmony can be seen in a simple exercise. Take your arms and stretch them in front of you, with palms facing you. Imagine two separate ideas, concepts, physical objects, etc. in each palm. Imagine the weight of one vs. the other. Imagine the temperature of one vs. the other. Imagine the texture of one vs. the other. In effect, when you are dealing with someone in crisis, and you are not in crisis, you are the polar opposite of that person.
They are likely fearful; you are likely calm. They are likely anxious or feel anger, you are less unsteady, and likely peaceful. They are red hot, you are “cool”. They are forceful, you are flexible. They are powerful, you are measured. As a result, you remain opposites. The only way to come together is to find a way to harmonize.
Placing your hands palm to palm, while touching, you are still your own idea against their idea. One on top of the other and one person has dominance and one has submitted. One next to another, we are speaking the same language, but still from either side of the street.
The only way to come together and ensure both sides get to hold onto their ideas and emotions being safely protected and respected, is to align and harmonize together, and interweave between each other, to become two hands, clasped together, woven into one fist.